Is it ok to wait?


I have recollections of people saying ‘Brooke ideas’ to you on coaching calls and then you saying ‘I never said that’ (ha!) or explaining in more clarity what you meant. I personally have a recollection of you saying that people don’t change, but when I think about that I think I’ve misinterpreted as clearly you have overdrinking/overeating courses etc so you do believe people can change…
Anyway, I am the one with the small baby who’s separated from her husband. He overdrinks / is potentially an alcoholic and I am planning my way forward.
I still love him and am not in a hurry to get divorced. Ideally I’d like us to stay together and for him to stop drinking. He says he knows he has a problem and is having counselling and is going to get a medical opinion from an alcohol specialist soon.
After focusing on him for a while, I’m trying to plan my way forward focusing on ME! (and my daughter)
I go back to work in November so am going to propose to him that I live in our house (I currently live with my parents) and pay the mortgage and bills. I have been offered a promotion at work that will allow me to cover that comfortably. I am going to focus on the job 3 days a week, look after our daughter 3 days a week and work on my coaching business 1 day a week – all things that fill me up.
He and I will come up with a co parenting plan and we will get couples counselling.
I’m planning to try this set up for a year and my current default thought is “As a by product of all this, if he changes and stops drinking, we’ll likely get back together”. Getting back together makes me happy, ‘as a by product’ sounds like some frothy, fungus science experiment… I think I’m saying ‘as a by product’ because I’ve accepted that I can’t change or control him so I’m surrendering to only him doing the work around the drinking.
I also like the thought “He can change” but I don’t believe it with certainty. “He may change” feels safer but less likely to give the result I want.
In summary, what I’m trying to say is – I want to fill my life up and keep moving forward, but I don’t want to give up on my relationship. However I want to make sure I’m not coasting along, avoiding a decision about my marriage. If I set a deadline of a year, then reassess, do you think that’s ok?
Thank you!