Is money really limitless?

I discovered a belief that the money I have access to is limited. I’m building my coaching practice and I have the thought that if my husband would quit working so much overtime then I could make some of the money.

What?! I seem to believe there is a finite amount of money we can have.

I find evidence of this in my upbringing. When my dad was out of work, my mom would get a job. When my dad was working again, my mom would quit or cut back. We always had the same amount, barely scraping by. Government help. No vacations or treats. We had to make every dollar last as long as possible.

I see the same pattern repeating for my family now. It’s like we have a bucket of money and I have to stretch it to last all month and hope it gets refilled.

I feel stressed, inadequate, lack.

I don’t show up as the person I want to be because I need more money to dress the way I want to dress, to buy the gifts I want to buy, to eat the foods that make me feel good, to donate what I want to donate, to buy supplies for my business.

So I end up creating a life of not enough. I end up creating a life lacking the things I want to have.

If I believed that my money was limitless, I would spend more so I could show up the way I wanted to show up.

But here’s the thing. When I think about having more money, I’m always spending all of it. Every penny. I seem to think I can’t have money for myself. I want to do things like anonymously give people money to help them, and for some reason it feels okay to do it anonymously, but not okay if they knew it came from me.

Like, who am I to have money? Why is it okay for other people to have money but not me? When I think these thoughts I hit a brick wall. I’ve just discovered them yesterday.

Part of me wants to do my intentional model and trust that if I spend more from a believing place that more will come to me, it will work. Of course it will because the model works and so does the law of attraction.

But I don’t believe that money is limitless for me. It’s totally not serving me to think this and I don’t know why I’m choosing it. I feel like life will be easier when I have more money, and I’m waiting for it to show up so I can show up the way I want to be. So dumb.

It feels so wrong to show up as though my business will make $30k this year when I don’t have enough in the bank to buy the things I want to buy. But if I believed the clients would come, I would 100% buy the things.

Is this when I just act as if and start creating new evidence or do I need to figure out why I think money is finite and why I can’t have it.