Judgment (my response)


I had asked how to accept my older sibling and how to allow them to judge me without defending myself. Your response was “Here’s how you accept them and drop your resentment if you really want to-Give up being “right” and “justified” – and on the other side of that decision is where you will find acceptance.” So that just blows my mind. My immediate response was yes, of course. However, the more I thought about it, I’m not sure. I think your suggestion means:
1. Accepting that no one is right, including me. That there is no ‘right’ way of doing anything. They do what they do, because they think it’s the best option, best decision and it makes them feel better. Just because I disagree, it does not make me right. It just means I choose to do something different, because of how it makes me feel.
2. I have a strong need to be ‘justified’, because I still want others to tell me I’m right and that the choices I made are right, but no one can give me that, as we are all making this shit up as we go and doing the best we can. The only person who can agree with me is me and if I have my own back, no one else’s approval is needed. I can do whatever makes me feels good if it’s coming from a place of love. I can choose not to help them or help them as long as I love my reason.
3. Since it bothers me so much, I should tell them what I want – to have them in my life. I will be more than happy to be there for them when they need me, and I want them to be there when they don’t need me. They still get to choose what they do, but I put my expectation out there. I can also make sure the reason I’m helping them is not because I want to “people please’ them or manipulate them to spend time with me.
4. In all of it, I’m just doing the best I can with the information I have, and they are too. I can choose to love them as they are and welcome them with love and acceptance when they are in my live and love and accept them when they are not. My expectation that they should not leave, is a thought and I can choose to accept that this is how we are doing things, and nothing has gone wrong. They are either presently here or they are not.
Ouch, that hurts.
Thank you as always.
PS. Just joined CCP and I’m freaking out!!