Making sense of the past – old belief

Hi –
I used to work with a group of people. It was supposed to be/act/feel like family. But like every family we didn’t always get a long. I came to the realization one day that it was also very unhealthy for me. I got a new job. I left. I tried to reconnect to ‘stay in’ touch like a good distant cousin. They didn’t want that. A few of my colleagues left around the same time as I did but they all stayed in touch. They were invited back to parties. To gatherings. I used to make it about me. I blamed myself and felt like I was the problem child. As I know now, it really has nothing to do with me but them and their thoughts. I also know that leaving that job was the best thing I ever did for myself. However, when a friend brings them up casually in conversation I find my primitive mind saying *danger* and I tend to go into an old thought-model. I would like to come up with a stronger thought to bridge to and believe. I’m not there. Although it is more neutral. It’s an underlining belief that I realize comes up over and over again….I’d like to get to a thought of love and compassion toward them and me when I think of this time in my life. help!
C: Friend talks about old bosses in conversation
T: I am less than them
F; Shame
A: ruminate, negative thoughts pop, dwell in past, beat myself up, try to avoid conversation
R: Make myself feel less than them

C: Friend talk about old bosses in conversation
T: They are humans. Absolutely flawed liked all of us doing the best they can.
F: neutral. accepting.
A: contribute to conversation, say new thought in my mind, love myself, got my back
R: Love myself and do the best that I can.