I am having a hard time gaining control over my thoughts where my husband is concerned. We have 4 kids (We had 5 kids until 6 weeks ago, but I’m not ready to feel/process that yet.), run my own medical business, have a huge farm and grow all of our own produce, etc. My husband constantly treats me like his executive assistant. Even though I am slammed and busy doing my own things, he texts/emails/calls me with lists of things that he wants me to do. It is not a request, it is basically telling me what to do. If I don’t get them done in his timing, he gets really frustrated/upset with me. I am a people pleaser by nature, so I am not dealing with this very well.
C: H tells me/leaves me lists of things to do
T: I hate being treated like his assistant. Why can’t he do it his own damn self?
F: Pissed off, indignant, hurt
A: Be passive aggressive, not do it right away (purposely forget), mutter A LOT under my breath if he is around -or very vocally if he isn’t-, give him the cold shoulder
R: Ruins my day, he gets pissed if the list isn’t done, I eat my emotions or don’t get other things done because I choose to do nothing instead.

IM
C: H tells me/leaves me lists of things to do
T: I am way more capable to get these things done, as I am more organized and efficient than he is and he really needs me in order to do basic life.
F: Needed, irreplaceable
A: Get list done quickly and efficiently and he’s out of my hair
R: He’s happy and I have time to do my own list and he’ll leave me alone.

I don’t know.. Something about this seems off. Do I need to be setting more boundaries and just say no and deal with the negative emotions that comes with telling him no? I have no idea.