Mom Has Dementia

I do not yet see my mom getting dementia as a neutral C – I’m very resistant and judgmental to all the models around this. I don’t like my feelings, my actions towards her, her actions, ect. So I’ve been working on allowing and accepting my feelings and thoughts without judgment or resistance. My 20 minute session with a coach was incredibly helpful in this because I didn’t realize how much I was resisting the feelings of sadness, anger, frustration, ect.

I’ve done some models with my feelings in the C line working on not judging them and this thought keeps coming up:

C – sadness in my body
T – It’s her fault I feel this way.
F – powerless
A – stuck, no action, emotional childhood, blame, victim
R – give all my emotional power to a woman who has dementia

Intellectually, I see that this isn’t serving me. But deep down, I do think I’m still in the phase of blaming her not only for my emotions, but also for getting dementia in the first place. Of course I’m blaming her – it makes sense. I also really don’t like it lol.

Do I just sit in this place for a while being curious? Or do I work on bridge thoughts and practice them even if I so don’t believe them yet? Sometimes it feels so overwhelming emotional that I don’t know where to begin.