My changing body

I’m pregnant! And so excited. I was about to type up this whole long spiel making sure you knew how proud I am to be carrying a baby… but I’ll cut to the chase

I used to be fat, and binge eat. Then I lost all the weight, became a size 2, and LOVE my scuplted body. Now its changing and I’m freaking out…

Im getting fat
Im overeating
I have cravings and react impulsively
Im gaining more weight than I should
I dont want to be fat during my pregnancy
I want to be fit and strong during ny pregnancy
If I gain excess weight, I dont want to look unhealthy
I dont want to be fat again

How do I want to feel you’ll ask? Accepting and Trusting… Accept wherr I’m at and enjoy it… Trust I can love myself now and post baby. But I cant find the thoughts. I wanna just be present, and think deliberately, but “I love where my body is at today” is tough. Because im arguing with an expectation of how I “should” look and how something else would be ideal… If I was as muscular as I once was with just a little bump I’d be thinking “I love this!” But my ass now has cellulite, my thighs touch and jiggle, and I feel gross.

I’m concinced nows the time I start your Stop Overeating course. Jesus.

Ahhh forgive me. (Im saying this to myself!) This is so lame. I know the self-judgment isnt helping.

Where do I go from here?