My daughter’s rule breaking in rehab


My nearly 24 year old daughter has been in rehab for 5 months. She consistently ends up breaking the rules; i.e., showing up late, breaking curfew at the sober house, having relations with staff members, not participating, etc. This ends up in her being transferred from one place to the next, and going up and down the ladder of “the care continuum.” Our relationship has been tremendous during this time and I do not believe she is currently using. She seems committed to her sobriety but I also know the professionals are seeing things I am not and feel that she does not extra support and a more structured environment. She, however, tends to feel differently. She asks for my thoughts. So I need to clean them up. Because my gut feeling is – “oh my God, do whatever they tell you do. The only way you will have success if you do everything you are supposed to”, yada, yada.
C – Daughter’s compliance in rehab
T – She is doing rehab wrong. She needs to follow the rules, show up, participate, and be compliant. I want her to see that. And while we are at it, this is costing me a small fortune, and so she should see it even more!
F – doom and despair
A – Just keep agreeing to more and more
R – Just creating a giant circle

I want to envision that she will be just fine in the future, regardless of the path she takes to get there. But I’m also afraid to advise her against continuing in a more structured environment if that is what the professionals are saying,. The money aside, I question authority a lot and often wonder how many decisions are made based on the industry’s desire for $$ (insurance, self pay, etc) and not necessarily driven by what is in the best interest of the attendee. How do I clean up MY thoughts so I can provide loving, nonjudgmental advice or thoughts to her?