Need some thoughts about my sister


Hi Brooke-
I need some help with thoughts about my sister. We used to be super close and through a series of really unimportant events are not as close anymore. That being said we had a conversation a few months ago about trying to fix that. My problem is this, we have different approaches to things and while I am trying to accept her for who she is, she gets really aggravated with me when I don’t agree with her. She has said to me before that it isn’t reality to just think positively about everything and she doesn’t appreciate my persistent positive skew. Totally fine- I have tried on thoughts like “we all get to choose how we want to think” or ” we can be close and think differently” but I find myself getting wound up when I offer a what I see as a benign remark such as “well if this job opportunity came up, another one might as well (a comment I would have made before all my self-coaching)” and she goes off on an emotional rant about how it isn’t reality and she is sick of people always just trying to pretend that it is positive. I find my thoughts starting to race when she responds to me emotionally ie: with tears and anger. I feel like she is attacking me (my thought) when I was just trying to be supportive. I didn’t want to respond in anger so I changed the subject but she has called me out on that before too- that I just change the subject instead of being supportive. Her idea of being supportive is agreeing that the worst case scenario is real but I don’t believe that to be true so I won’t do that.
C. Catherine states what I said is not true
T. She is attacking me
F. Angry, defensive
A. Change the subject, end the phone call
R. Don’t get closer with my sister

C. Catherine says what I said is not reality
T. I don’t know how to be supportive for her and still be true to myself
F. Discouraged
A. End the phone call, think about it all day
R. Not get closer to my sister

C. Catherine says what I said is not true
T. My thoughts are as true as hers
F. Aggravated
A. Defend my statement briefly, change the subject, end the phone call (seeing a theme here)
R. Don’t get closer

C. Catherine says what I said is not true
T. I am sorry that I cannot support her in the way she feels she needs
F. Sad
A. Avoid calling her
R. Don’t get closer

C. Catherine says what I said is not true
T. She doesn’t have to believe my same beliefs for us to be close
F. Resigned ( a little better but not great)
A. Tell her that we think about these things differently which I understand but if she is going to get upset with me or start yelling I will either change the subject or end the call. (not sure about this boundary- although what really upset me was her emotional response to me- my thoughts about it)
R. I can end the conversation and not be angry with her????

If I start from the end
R. I get to be closer with my sister
A.
F. Compassion
T.
C. Catherine’s words

I am having trouble here. I don’t know what thought makes me feel compassion. She is one of the smartest people I know so in my manual for her she should at least from an intellectual perspective see the benefit to new thoughts. I feel like she brings misery on herself by always seeing the worst case scenario and pushing away anyone who has a different opinion. I see that I am pushing her away for having a different opinion. I feel like I need a new thought in order to let that one go and to guide what action I would take.

I love my sister no matter what
I can be an example of what unconditional love looks like.
I am strong enough to deal with whatever she says to me
I don’t need to resist her thoughts- they are hers

Do you have any other suggestions? I welcome any help I can get on this one.