Never asked to be coached

Hi! This is my first month as a diamond. Ive made a lot of baby step this year toward changing my thiughts. I find myself very judgemental of myself that ive never asked to be coached – not on coaching or vip calls. Ive never missed a call (have watched none live as they feel more convenient to schedule to watch recorded) and ive done 90 percent of all homework. Its a financial strech to keep in course but it feels like the right move to commit to at least 6 more months to help clean up thinking and actions. My question is should i force myseld to ask to be coached – its something i feel nervous abiut (ie will i look old and sad on screen , will i say tge right thing, will i get tongue tied and seem clueless, will brooke like me 😬) . I feel like im hiding a bit by not being coached – but i cant really even decide what id asked to be coached in. I wonder too what connection there might be between this circumstance and how i think about other ones in my life