November $$ Worth -AMD

Today I held space for myself for the first time. I carefully cleaned my mind as if I was going to coach a client.

“Circumstances are not more important or serious from one client to another. They are all equally deserving of help. My job is to show them their own mind, to see that thoughts are optional and let the awareness arise in that space. My purpose is to model radical self-love, to be open and generous and unapologetic about my own compassion and appreciation for myself and the gift that is my life. I don’t have to coach anyone. I’m here of my own volition. I can’t possibly know what is best for my client. The gift I give is an open and compassionate space to bring their thoughts and situations into the light.”

Then I neatly and slowly wrote my thoughts about my client. I wrote them all. I didn’t judge. The sentences were precise and tidy on the white paper. I held my own space. I cried in wonder and amazement that I could create such a place for myself.

C: Client
T: I’m responsible
F: Fear
A: reject the client, have an agenda, try to control things, put constraints on it
R: I’m not capable of responding

C: Client
T: I am able to respond
F: Expansive, wide and vast like an ocean. My chest feels broad.
A: hold space, give the gift I’ve been trained to
R: Respond in the way I’ve been trained.

Fear – 2
Expansive – 2

The fear is unwanted but it is always a sign pointing to where I need to go. Thank you.

The expansiveness is unwanted, it’s so vast, it’s so open. It brings a wild and scary sensation of maybe my capacity exceeds my comprehension.

I considered that sentence, then wrote: A woman who walks forward in this situation deserves compassion and affectionate concern and care, for she is brave and should be cherished.

— Today I held space for myself. I found a place where I can both care for myself and reach out to someone else.