One small step every day

I have been working really hard at reducing my over drinking and just completed 6 week stop OD coaching with a coach. I had a very interesting experience yesterday. I went to book club, and there was a last minute location change so the new host asked if people could bring wine (I am becoming very aware of the number of activities I participate in that include alcohol). Anyways, most people responded they would bring wine. Normally I would have too. For some reason the thought came to me “I wonder what it would be like to not drink wine tonight” and I just jumped on board. I decided that I wasn’t drinking. I knew that I would really want to. I decided to evaluate the experience without alcohol…like an experiment. Very prefrontal. I asked my husband to pick up some sparkling water that I could bring instead. I noticed how uncomfortable I was even walking to her house with bottles of sparkling water and not wine.
It was so interesting because I was armed with the “I prefer not to,” reason for not drinking and I said that, but as every lady turned and looked at me and one asked, “you’re not drinking?” Another “you’re having a drink right?”
Instead of just saying not tonight or anything else, I felt so uncomfortable that I lied and made up an excuse of just taking some Advil for my back. Even at that, one lady told me I could drink with Advil, just not Tylenol. It blew my mind at how it was so much more accepted to just drink than not. And how hard it was to be under social scrutiny.
I totally became the watcher of everyone and myself. I had the desire for a glass of wine multiple times…waves…But I really got to see the evening for what it was. With no wine. YAY! I woke up, no hangover and got to talk to my husband this morning and tell him everything…so fun.
I realize that I need to practice being uncomfortable saying no thanks until it isn’t uncomfortable anymore but it was such an interesting experience being the only person not drinking.
Nailed it! I am learning to feel desire and surprisingly not die…lol…love all of this!!