Other people’s reactions


In doing my “re-telling the story” work for this month, I’m struggling with a new model. This is an issue that comes up a lot with my husband, too, of course. The back story is me telling a friend how my (adult) nephew didn’t wake on time for a scheduled departure and how he took about an hour to get going after he woke. She was upset and here’s my TD:
I shouldn’t have told her. I knew she’d get all upset about this. She’s like Gary and gets all inflamed about how others should be different. I already did my work to let this go, let Colin be who he is. It’s none of my business. Do I have to modify how I tell a story or what I say so she doesn’t get upset?!
Here’s the work:
C – Friend saying words

T – I have to change what I want to say so she doesn’t get upset.

F – indignant

A – go around in my head about how she should be different, should let this go, judge her, don’t just let her be upset about it, see her upset as intolerable, resent her

R – I get upset and resentful

When I ask how I want to feel about her response, I just want it to not to happen. Which would be the result of me not telling the story. (The lateness was just a piece of a bigger story about rental cars.). I feel resentful about having to edit myself so she doesn’t get upset. Big tangle of thoughts and emotions and old stories. Basically I don’t want people to get upset around me. I feel so impelled to fix it.