Pursuit of Happiness


If someone finds me attractive, I think it is all about sex and I don’t trust them. This is a painful story that I am choosing to feel now and release its power over me. My husband would stare at me, I never felt that he saw me as an equal or even as a human being. He saw me as possession that he could have his way with. I felt powerless. I didn’t know what or how to answer back. I gained weight so he would not find me attractive. That worked. Then I was just ignored. I continued to pretend that my marriage was good to our children, family and friends. I wasn’t aware I was pretending. I lived like this for a long time. I am divorced.

I don’t want to hide any more,
I don’t want to be overweight anymore.
I don’t want to be afraid of someone finding me attractive.
I am done with that story.

My new story is: I was married, and have 4 great kids. Today, I am living my life intentionally, and taking care of my emotional health. My work is future focused rediscovering who I am, who I want to be and the life I want to live. It is all up to me. Someday I would like to meet someone special to love.

When I read this back to myself, I certainly like my new story better. I have sat with the emotions of my old story and felt the pain they brought up. I realize I gave my power away and I own that. This feels good to me, am I doing this right?
Thanks Brooke.