Relationship with son

Dear Brooke, I have a nine year old son and we used to fight a lot. With the work I’ve done in SCS I changed my thoughts that he should be different to believing he is exactly as he should be. Instead of getting mad when he didn’t do his homework/clean up/ co-operate/ used bad language etc I began to see this as the normal behaviour of a young boy. This changed my actions, I stopped nagging, let things go and cleaned up myself because I’m the one who wants it clean. Recently relatives came to visit and I overheard them talk about how my son is so rude to me and I’m a doormat. This stung because there is truth in it. I had become very accepting of my son and we rarely had conflict. But now I’m concerned I’m raising a kid who is not learning to do things for himself or treat others with kindness. What am I missing?