Relaxation = Danger


Doing my daily TD on my impossible goal (make $78K), I came up with this model. It appeared out of the options my brain was offering like, “Maybe you should just relax and be satisfied with the life you already have.” I knew this was just an escape fail, but I got curious about why I am not satisfied with my life now. And realized I don’t really feel satisfied about anything. I know I kind of smushed several things in each line of this model, but it worked for me to see it.

C – Concept of relaxation, satisfaction, safety

T – If I relax, feel satisfied, someone could hurt me. (Surprising to see this thought.)

F – wary, anxious, vigilant

A – buffer, seek comfort, seek safety (but this are always false pleasures)

R – I hurt me. I don’t feel satisfied or safe from or with myself.

So, at this point, is not feeling satisfied or safe just my “heavy purse”? Is it time to just notice it and work towards seeing it as a thought? I do see that I am believing being dissatisfied will magically propel me to do my life “right”. I see in the model that doesn’t work, but it is still residing in my bones.

Thank you, thank you, thank you,