Seeking validation from others


Hi Brooke,

In current work I am noticing that a result I create in numerous parts of my life is, seeking validation and approval from others.

With my ex, I seem to be choosing to be fixed on wanting others to know the facts behind our financial settlement so they could see what my ex did. I even recently made comment to friend that I wish financial settlements were public documents so that parties could not hide behind lies and instead the truth was in black and white for all to see.

When I look into this, I notice that I only want that because I am assuming that they too will make the same judgments of my ex as I and therefore wont assume that because I was the female I did well in this scenario.

I have created stories for myself around why I need this; he left when I was 3 months pregnant with first child to continue affair. He did not pay mortgages, instead I chose to pay. He then drained our accounts because I did not think to freeze accounts as I didn’t think he would do that. He took me to court for division of assets. I held the majority, property and shares and he got 50% etc etc, even writing this I am noticing that I am trying to convince you….urgh

So have run a few models and want to check I am getting these right.
C – Ex profited from settlement
T – I don’t understand how someone can do that
F – Hurt
A – Ask others
R – Keep reliving the hurt

C – Ex profited from settlement
T – Ex didnt support son and I when I was in vulnerable state
F – Anger
A – Tell other what happened so they validate how I feel
R – I am relying and trying to influence other peoples opinions, so I feel better

C – Ex profited from settlement
T – I want others to know he didn’t support us, instead I supported us
F – Desperate
A – Seek validation/recognition/approval from others
R – I am not in control of my feelings?

C – Ex profited from settlement
T – Everyone thinks the female always benefits in this scenario, but that is not the case, especially when female is the wealthier of the two
F – Frustrated
A – Try and correct peoples’ stereotypes
R – ?

Intentional
C- Ex profited from settlement
T – I am strong, I survived and supported my son and I
F – Proud
A – Appreciate my own strength
R – I support and appreciate myself

I somehow want to let go of needing others validation/approval and so want to check my intentional will get me to that state? Or are there others I should try out?

Thank you!