Self judgement

Hi Brooke

I have lots of self judgments about myself and fear of being judged by others. I have this belief I am a bad person or I’m scared other people think I’m bad. I am trying to believe I’m not a bad person but if I find myself in a situation, I don’t believe this and think I’m wrong and I must be bad or it’s my fault. I buffer with food usually then. I think the reason I’m alone is because it was my fault because I wasn’t good enough, nice enough, it’s like a have a manual for myself which expects me to perfect and not a human being with flaws so everytime I find myself not showing up as perfect I use it against myself and think I need to be better to be loved or liked

I think I don’t have enough social plans because I don’t have enough friends or people who like me but today I realised I like being at home and on my own most of the time if I’m honest but I think I also don’t like going out as people ask me about my life and I think my life is boring and nothing is happening compared to theirs. So when they ask I feel bad as I think I’m loser and nothing is happening in my life unlike theirs. I think I buffer as I don’t like my life but I’m not sure how to change this as I don’t believe I’m lovable and likeable but I want more connection in my life but I’m scared what people think of me and I don’t think I’m good enough. What do you suggest I do to work through this. I know intectually these are thoughts and not facts but I believe this story right now and I don’t believe I can change my life and will be happy or loved in the future but I know these are feelings I create from my thoughts and not external things like a partner or my friends