I had nearly 2 months where I didn’t eat SF, it wasn’t intentionally my intention. I planned exceptions but then I would choose not to have them as I only wanted them cause I thought SF was good and I didn’t want to reinforce that thought. I went to a wedding and planned SF but I went over my plan and didn’t follow it. I tried 2 days again later to have SF planned again and I went over my plan. Then I had it unplanned the day after that. Then the following week I’ve been off plan twice and today again. I used to binge in the past and I know I think thoughts that a binge or an overeat means something is wrong or I’ve done something wrong or bad so I’ve tried to.just the thoughts be there after my overeats the last couple of times and not believe them although that’s why what my brain keeps thinking as I’ve thought this for a.long time.so.i know it will come up and it doesn’t serve me to believe it.
Before when I had the urges and I didn’t do SF as I still had them then, I found it easier to let the desire be there and redirect my desire to something else. I had a free coaching call today and the coach helpfully pointed out I wasn’t feeling them. I have felt urges before and I know what it felt like to feel that discomfort. I don’t think I resisted them in those 2 months but I didn’t feel the need to open up to feel them as I could redirect myself to my true desire but the coach felt I was using willpower but I don’t think I was cause I would feel uncomfortable and I know I wanted the SF but when I told myself I wasn’t going to have it and I felt good each time I followed through, I felt amazing and was soo impressed by myself. I do think I thought it was cause I had no SF I did better so now I want to blame SF but I know intectually it’s me choosing to have SF and not SF for me ongoing off plan. I keep wanting to compare and think something is wrong which doesn’t serve me so I’m trying not to do or let it just be there when my brain serves it up. I am wondering where that voice of reason has gone or why I don’t choose to listen to it now which reinforces my old belief something has gone wrong but I watched your video so I know my brain is designed to want dopamine and that’s what’s happening, I gave it some dopamine and now it wants more. I know I worrying is optional and never helpful but I’m choosing to worry that voice has gone away or I don’t listen to it, I was wondering if you could explain what was happening in terms of the brain to help me believe nothing is wrong or if I should bring it back my doing more thought work
I’m going to keep practising allowing urges and being uncomfortable again meanwhile as I don’t want to think/believe my thoughts SF has power or is to blame for me choosing to overeat. But I’m have thoughts creating anxiety to do this as I’m scared to fail as my goal is to have a sport model’s body and I’m telling and choosing to my believe my thought practising will mean I wont get my goal as I will probably fail and overeat which will take me further away from my goal, but through this practice I will learn so I’m going to practise allowing myself to to fail until I figure this out and once I do that I will get my goal as I will follow through on my plans and stop overeating, right?