I have a “wall” with my spouse. I have been doing many many models on his behavior – he has a worsening relationship with alcohol, he doesn’t do the things I need him to do around the house, he spends money without discussion with me (I am the major breadwinner).
C – I am displeased with my spouses behavior T – maybe I made the wrong choice E – sadness, frustration A – I stomp around the house acting displeased with his behavior. C – my husband naps all the time T – “must be nice, I want a nap but if I napped nothing would ever get done E – Resentment A – I argue with him. C – I outsource a lot of things that my husband could help with T – I am spending so much bleeping money on help we will never save at the level I want to E resentment A – I argue with my spouse. C – he spent another 1000 dollars in a week … again T – we will never be financially independent at this rate E – Resentment A – more arguing. C – it’s Sunday morning and I have been up since 3 AM with two vomiting at restless children and he has been blissfully sleeping T – here we go again it all falls on me E Resentment A – express anger toward my spouse. C – he did a load of laundry yesterday and left it in the washer without moving it along T – I’m left to finish things off – AGAIN E – Resentment A – anger. I want to create a circumstance of “My husband is a partner in every aspect of my life” – I know that where I sit now is a place of being a victim of my circumstances – I know I cannot control him – but I just don’t think the answer is to let him be while I work on myself and continue to outsource – at what point does HE get it? What can I do to help him GET IT. We are in this cycle where my flawed self argues with him and he comes back saying “I’m so sorry, I love you and I don’t ever want you to leave me” but he never does any better – there’s a lot of selfishness, there is add, there is a lot of poor time management, a DUI, and a lot of buffering with cellphone use and literally looks at Facebook most of the time when he’s not drinking or napping on the couch. This is my wall – I want him in my life – he is my soulmate and there is a lot of love between us – but as my success pulls him further away from the financial environment he grew up with – as we buy vacation homes and country club memberships all of this behavior gets work and he is in total denial that it is even occurring and just points to my losing my mind desperately begging for help – oh and he refuses to go to counseling because he things couples therapy is the death march to divorce.