I came to my mom yesterday and started with: “Hey, mom, I saw this new movie, you have to go and see it! It’s a story about this young woman who works in a boring office and she hates her life and then one day she decides to quit her job and it’s about how she discovers tru happiness. And you know, her family really hates her for doing that move but when she becomes a famous writer and her book is on the shelves of stores, they all come back and apologize and realize she had more courage than they will ever have.”
My mom answered: “Wow, this sounds so inspiring. What’s it called?”
“It’s called what I am about to tell you about my life,” I said.
It took her three long minutes with back and forth questions until she got the point of the made up movie and what I am trying to announce to her.
So I spoke with models to her and said, you know, the circumstance in your life today is that your daughter told you she is quitting her job. And you are feeling anxious, upset, and worried about that, and the reason you feel this way is because you think I am making a mistake, what’s is going to happen to me, where will I end up, and now your action is to try to persuade me by all means and emotional methods, to forget about this dream and stay safe where I am unhappy but at least has a paycheck.
What I want to offer to you is to have some other options about my decision. Like: my daughter is smart and she will figure it out, I will give her my support no matter what she chooses, I wish I had the courage she has, If not now, when? This is the best of times for her to go and make something special happen.
And if you will think these thoughts, you will feel love for me, supportive, and even excitement.
And your actions will be to check with me how I am doing, offer to spend more time while I transition.
And the result you will have is that you feel loving, supportive, and closer to me, knowing that everything is okay.
She answered, “Well, that sounds good for Hollywood movies, these things don’t happen in real life.”
So I learned from this two things: I have zero skills in coaching my mom 🙂 and that while I prefer her to think my intentional model for her, she can choose to stay in her unintentional model and that is okay.