stressful time…daughters college applications

Hi Brooke
This is one of the most difficult times I have been through in a long time. My daughter is a HS senior and is in the process of applying to colleges. Applying to colleges is usually stressful but this has been OFF THE CHARTS stressful. She wants to study musical theater and I cannot begin to tell you the amount of application requirements there are. In addition to the standard procedure, performing arts schools require much much more! They are extremely demanding! Each school only accepts 15-20 students so it is very very competitive. Each school has, in addition to the standard SAT’s, Applications, Letters of Rec, and an essay……performing arts schools, each have several ADDITIONAL essays, forms, procedures,etc. Kids must create a Pre-screen video of themselves singing,acting and dancing….separate videos and many diff types of clips. In addition, if their pre-screen videos are approved they then move on to a LIVE AUDITION on campus. This means flying around the country. And because there is so much competition and they only accept a handful of students, she has been advised to apply to 20 schools! And EACH school has there own requirements…many! Not like you can just copy and paste..they all want different stuff and have different requests. So I have hired a company to help with this and it many ways they help but in many ways they make it worse. In addition, its like pulling teeth with the guidance counselor because it not typical.
So this is my problem:
I obsessively handle every issue. I thought loop each thing that has to be done over and over. I’m perfectionist in that I want to get it done right. Please believe me that the details are severe! There are hundreds of coordinating tasks that have to be accomplished between now and November. I am very sweet and patient with my daughter and TRY not to push BUT I know if I dont, it will not get done. Actually that is not true. She’s actually on top of most of it…..just not ALL of it. Shes going at a steady pace but because it is just such an undertaking she needs help.

Tonight we just sat down together to work on her school list for her pre screen video which I have a company filming for her this week. They want a list of every requirement for every school. Which school wants a 16 Bar Soprano song, which school wants a 32 bar, which school wants a 1 minute monologue, which one wants a close up which one wants a full body, etc. So we have to go onto the website of each school, research and create a list. Doesnt sound too bad except she worked all day today with her coaches and college advisor. Then at 7PM we got this email that we needed to do this list. I brought it to her attention. Why didnt I just wait and let HER find it and do it perhaps tomorrow? Because I cant stop…its how I do projects…how I get anything done….obsessively and perfectionistly! when we sat down tonight, I wanted to devise this list MY way….the right way. Yes the right way, because I was following the instructions as they were written. I told her let’s do it my way…so we had a big fight…she’s already stressed out but so am I. More than her because I worry she will not get into ANY school so i obsess over the details of these stupid applications. MEANWHILE its really about her TALENT! She either is or she isn’t. But they make you jump thru a thousand hoops b4 you can even get to that point. So Im thinking should I just STOP helping her altogether? I know she benefits from my help but its causing me tremendous pain and stress. I feel it in my body and my mind cant stop obsessing over all the details.
I wish I could find a happy medium but it seems as soon as i start helping her I become overbearing. I want everything the right way. I cant seem to stop my mind. Thank you for any insight!