Taking back my bf


My bf tells me quite often lately it would be better for us to break up (while we are having arguments) but then after just couple of days he comes to appologize and saying he made mistakes and it seems I always forgive him and take him back. As if I am waiting for him to change ( which I know he will most likely won’t because I don’t think he actually thinks he did not do anything bad- as he says it sometimes).
So there is a lot of bipolarity in his behaviour – as today he says he did something wrong and apologize and that he will change and tomorrow he says he doesn’t think he did anything wrong.
I want to break this pattern of me always forgiving him ( I always think forgiveness it’s the best but I’m just tired of going back to him).
I am kind of curious why I keep Take him back.
It takes a lot of my energy and I think it’s time to focus on other stuff as well.
My thoughts towards this question would be:
– I don’t want to start all over again with somebody else, so I’m just waiting and hoping he will change
– I will not get in love again with somebody else the way I love him (even tho I think I’m confusing love with drama and passion and excitement from fights and after that getting back together)
I just read a book that Brooke was talking about which is called :women who love too much which it helped me see the pattern I am always repeating.
There are other thoughts as well but I considered this ones representative.

When I try not to take him back there is a strong urge of ‘doing somethink’, instead of just feeling my urge and do/say nothing.
There times I do and times I don’t feel my urge but it feels so strong. I am also familiar with ‘allowing 100 urges’ but for some reason I still react to this urge sometimes. It doesn’t feel it gets easier to co-op with it.
I wish I would just forgive him for what he does, consider it has nothing to do with me but this is just the way he is, and be able to move on with my life with somebody else.
But I feel stuck in this relationship. He always gets to convince me he is sorry and he will change.
It also feels when I am not with him that I am missing something, as well with other physical symptoms as nausea and low appetite for food.
I would like to break this pattern. What would be your approach?

Thank you very much!