I am feeling blocked. I budgeted drinks for today and planned a nothing but movies in my PJ’s kind of day. The weather is dreary and I’m home alone so I’m free to watch as many chick flicks as I want! 🙂 I slept in and then did my normal Sunday chores. I promised myself I would do at least 1 section of Spanish, download a book from Amazon and work on SCS for awhile.
Check, check and Check! I did my thought download for the day and it turned out to be way more than I was expecting. I’m trying to figure out who I want to be. I wrote to you before about always being the bus passenger. Now that I’m going to drive my own bus, I find myself sitting behind the steering wheel trying to figure out how the hell to start this big rig!
I do think my passion is to help people. I majored in Speech Language Pathology in order to help people with TBI, but never did anything with my degree-or at least very little. I have gone from one thing to next all at the suggestion of other people. All the paths I have followed have revolved around helping others. I LOVE the thought of helping people manage that crazy 2 year old that’s running loose up in their brains. However, I feel I have so far to go before I can do this. I’m still struggling with being 100% committed to cutting back on alcohol and weightloss. I do IF well, and I do usually stick to my drink plans but I still have those f-it moments. I am starting to really understand what you are saying about being our own observer. I was having a tough day the other day, my brain was anyway, and I thought, “I wished I had planned some wine for tonight!” Why? The thought just popped in my head. Why do you “need” it. Fact is/was I only wanted it because I was being a baby about my day! I told myself to suck it up and change my thoughts! And as you know it worked!
Now that I am trying to venture away from my standard operating procedure of letting others influence my choices I’m feeling a lot of tension. I find myself constantly having to force myself to take action. I’m trying to figure out where my lack of commitment is coming from and I think it’s lack of belief. I think my thoughts are, “you are crazy to think you can lose weight and stop drinking” followed by, “what is left?” Which is a crazy thought to me because every morning I wake up and have honored my commitments from the day before I feel really good! I know I need to create the belief I can accomplish both of these things and then those accomplishments will take me to the next level of helping others.
My model today:
C-I can be thin
T-No I can’t
F-Tension between wanting to believe and believing
R-No where close to ideal weight
C-I can be thin
T-I can honor my commitments everyday
F- UGH! Still struggling with tension. The self doubt of “you have proven you can’t time and time again”
A-Do the work
R-Will be successful
Thank you for your help!