Thanksgiving Drama


Wanted help with my thinking our trip home to Dallas for the holidays to visit my parents. My significant other is coming with me (they have met but this is the first time SO is coming home for a holiday), and we currently live together. My parents don’t believe that couples should live together before marriage. We are all staying in a hotel for the holiday because my childhood home is currently under renovations.

My parents booked 2 bedrooms with 2 beds in each. They want my sister and her husband to stay in one room, and me and my SO to stay in the other with my parents, with us sleeping in separate beds (and my step dad on the pull out sofa). I feel very weird and unsettled that they even suggested this solution…it feels like they want to ‘keep an eye on us’. And my SO has only met my parents 2 times before this. Seems a bit intense to be staying in a hotel room together for 5 days straight when they aren’t all comfortable with each other yet.

I decided i’m telling my parents that either we are going to stay in the room with my sister and her husband, or we will just get our own room. But for some reason I still feel very anxious and unsettled that they even suggested this arrangement, and I can’t shake it. I feel judged, and like they want to treat me like a kid (i’m 33 and completely financially independent). I’m sure i’m not the only person in this situation, but needing help working through my thoughts so it doesn’t ruin the holiday. I’m trying to make an intentional model but not believing it yet.

Unintentional model:

C – Parents suggested us staying in a hotel room with them for thanksgiving
T – This is very rude and inconsiderate, considering we are paying our own way there.
F – Defensive, annoyed, NOT excited for thanksgiving
A – Don’t want to go home for any more holidays.

Intentional Model:
C – Parents suggested us staying in a hotel room with them for thanksgiving
T – How nice of parents to offer to pay for a hotel, even if the option doesn’t work for us as configured.
F – Grateful, and understanding
A – Consider going home for further holidays with upfront expectations. Not offended about the hotel situation.

Thanks!