The Big Why?

How do you know when you have your Big Why? What exactly does it look like?? When I do thought downloads to find my big why, my brain keeps going to what others think will think(acceptance maybe?), or thoughts that make me wonder if I’ll look for the next big thing instead of just being happy with what has been accomplished. I keep “yes butting” then with-I “could” be happy 20lbs over weight…I “could” be happy with a disorganized house… even though I truly believe I want and need the opposite. Thanks for all your advice!