This Is Like Popping A Pimple…Everything Is Coming Out!

Hi Friend!

How’s that for a visual? Man, I can be a student of this work. I teach this work. I’m now Certified in this work and struggle with my Dad. This is actually a lifelong struggle and I want to change that for good. You did it with your family. My logical brain tells me it’s possible….but I am still mad. I still hate him. I still wish he were different. (I don’t actually hate him, but I’m very angry at him) and how’s this for perfect: I am living with him right now and have been since December 2017. Talk about being in the lab of life! What better way to heal the hurt!

Michelle was kind enough to put me on the list to be coached in this week’s Life Coaching Call. I was teaching until 1pm EST and hopped on the call a few minutes late. I’m not sure if you called on me but thought I would take my thoughts here 🙂

The current C is that I live with my 70-year-old retired father who has health issues and isn’t driving.

I pay a low amount of rent each month ($200)

I am working towards being able to support myself and be financially solid since I am self-employed and am getting my coaching business off the ground.

I’ve gotten coaching from peer coaches on my Dad and my relationship with him (around allowing him to be who he is but I am realizing that nothing he says or does is neutral, which kind of stopped me in my tracks to admit that to myself) Most of my thoughts about my Dad are terrible. I have TOO MANY for just one model.

He’s living his manual and I have so much judgment, anger and disappointment around him. It’s quite exhausting (from myself)

I struggle to love him unconditionally and I realize my brain knows no different than what it’s gotten good at practicing (which is just judging and being mad at him and being disappointed by him)

There are a few things here:

I don’t want to live with him anymore, not just because of how I think and feel being around him, but because I GENUINELY don’t want to live with either of my parents anymore. I gave myself a goal to be on my own by May.

I’m 38 years old, have been divorced since 2012. No kids. No ties. Completely free and clear and am looking to meet someone who wants a serious relationship and is ready and passionate about having a best friend, partner, teammate and children (not someone who is unsure of that or who would only like something casual) You coached me before on dating and I’ve been working to “enjoy the process.”

I have done a lot of work releasing the thought “this isn’t where I want to be in life,” because it has not helped me at all and it’s a thought I’ve gotten good at thinking. I still have work to do around comparing myself to others who have committed relationships (I have compromised myself for far too long in attracting people who don’t want to be in a relationship) so I’m eliminating envy and processed sugar for 66 days because they’re “poisonous” to me and I go into doom and gloom.

The current C is not changing, meaning my Dad, but I want to move out and move along, and I know the only way is through my thoughts.

I can live with him and hate him. I can move out and hate him. Those are my two options. And I can look back and regret choosing the hate in the first place, but this is just such a struggle! Which I know is my own mind! You probably would like my Dad. He has some great qualities, but I’m too busy not seeing those.

Before I move out, I really would love to think/feel different about him just as you have done with your family members. The hardest work I’ve had to do is around both my parents.

I’ve tried so many SENTENCES with my Dad and they’re temporary because I float back to anger etc. (even down to thinking that when I’m married with kids, my house will be messy, because life is messy, so it’s just one mess to another…or how aware I am of time and do I want to be spending my time and interactions with him tense and angry? It’s this cycle of mad to sad to guilty to compassionate)

I can’t help but think that why I’m not living somewhere else or even in a relationship is that I still have work to do around accepting my Dad and accepting living with him. That’s just a thought!

Thank you for your thoughts!
Much love.