Unconditional relationships

When I was younger and my dad was upset about something I believed I needed to be a super good girl so he wouldn’t be mad at me on top of his upset.

I’ve noticed over the 11 years being married to my second husband that I have the same reaction – Uh oh he’s upset with me so I have to “hide” or stay away until he doesn’t seem upset.

But I just realized that I’ve been making my relationship conditional. If he’s happy with me then I can feel happy and if he’s not I can’t.

For example, he got upset with me last night about something I did and my “normal” reaction would be to feel timid around him today until it seemed ok to come out of the cave.

I was listening to the podcast on unconditional love and realized that I can love him even when he’s upset with me. I can love him no matter what. I can feel love and there’s nothing he can do about it. I get to choose all the ways I love him no matter how he behaves today.

He gets to choose his thoughts about me and I get to choose my thoughts about him.

I get to feel love and he gets to feel however he wants to feel.

Any suggestions for helpful thoughts to create the feeling of love no matter what?