Why am I choosing to think thoughts that keep me tied to my marriage with my ex? While there were many wonderful parts about the marriage, the relationship, on the whole, was not only not working for me, but it was also sometimes abusive (my judgment and thought).

Unintentional Model
C-ex-husband
T-In many ways I wish I were still with him. In many ways, I am so glad I’m not still with him. I loved him so much and still feel so much love for him. I couldn’t fix our marriage alone. Why didn’t he change to help make the marriage work so I could have stayed? (Wow! That’s a doozie!) Why was I so stubborn and set on how I wanted things to be? Why didn’t I change to make him happy with the marriage so that he would not badger me to be a better wife? His new wife will make him happy and prove that it was all my fault that the marriage failed. He shouldn’t have moved her and her son into my house that I designed and rebuilt from the studs up.
F-regret, sadness, anger so much anger
A-think about him, ruminate over my actions in the relationship, miss him
R-I experience a lot of feelings I don’t want to feel and thoughts of him pop into my mind on the regular.

Intentional Model
C-ex-husband
T-I know the relationship is complete and I have totally neutral thoughts and feelings about him. I am happy enough in my own life that I do not even wonder what is going on with him.
F-nothing
A-focus on my life now and never give him another thought
R-Ex is a non-entity in my life.