Weight Loss and Constraint

I am resisting my plans hardcore since I decided this month to constrain just to weight loss with my Scholars work until November 1. Previously I had been vacillating between weight loss and business – when one got hard I’d switch back to the other, and got nowhere. I’m a newly minted Diamond SCS, so it’s been a year of this. I had lost six pounds (181 to 175) at some point this year and am now back up to 181/182.

I’m making 24 hour plans daily, but not eating on plan at all. Not one day in July. They are ridiculously realistic, and I still manage to eat off plan. I’m feeling a lot of shame right now.

C weight loss
T My plans are ridiculously realistic and still I manage to eat off plan.
F shame
A buffer with Candy Crush, scroll FB and Ask a Coach, avoid my TDLs, eat whatever I want
R I eat off plan, I do not lose weight, I gain weight

C weight loss
T “I am all in on losing weight to become stronger and healthier”
F disbelief (ummmm I guess that T isn’t really working then . . . )
A switch into the shame model, self-flagellate, buffer, etc. (see above)
R _____

I believe so strongly that I cannot do this. It feels like my chest being squeezed and my eyes are watering up. I just want to jump into bed right now. Why am I making this so hard?! I did it before!! I was writing 24 hour plans and sticking to them and losing weight! Now it seems absolutely impossible.