Woah – work I would have never done without SCS!


Today I got an email from my dad riddled with lots of blame & accusations about things “I’ve done to him and his girlfriend that have made him feel unwelcome.” It made me angry and upset, and mostly I was stuck on how WRONG he was – how confused they were. I haven’t done any of this stuff, not at all. Why would he make this up? “Start drama?” I do invite them places. They just never come… I thought.

I decided to do something I’ve never done before. I’m 38 years old, he’s been with the same woman now for 15+ years. I picked up the phone and called his girlfriend. I didn’t even have her phone number, I had to ask another family member. I literally have never called her. Ever.

She didn’t even know who was calling at first. I explained that I didn’t feel the way she thought I did. I didn’t hate her. I did welcome her at family events. I HAD invited her places.

Within minutes she was emotional. She told me all the ways she thought I hated her. How unkind I had been to her. She mentioned a text I don’t even remember sending my dad where I explained that “she wasn’t welcome in my home.” GULP.

That was 4 years ago. Before SCS. I don’t even remember saying that. But I’m sure I did.

I said I was sorry. That I too, had a lot of baggage around my parent’s divorce, around her relationship with my dad, etc. But that when I invite her to family events, I do it with intention. She is invited. She is welcome. I mean it.

I could tell she was shocked. She didn’t expect anything other than a fight, argument, drama from me.

She was literally speechless at times.

We hung up pleasantly. It isn’t fixed. Not at all. But I showed up honestly and directly. I didn’t let my dad’s email contribute to more disconnect and drama. I said I was sorry and I meant it.

Who knows what will happen next. But I learned that the thought: “They are confused. They got it wrong.”

Was also true of me – I got it wrong, too.

Thanks, Brooke, for giving me the tools to show up like this today. I’m proud of myself.

-Christina