I understand your lessons about manuals and why we should not have manuals for other people – it makes sense, for the most part. And I have been able to drop the manual for adult children and our relationships are much better as a result. But my brain is having trouble “losing” the manual for my husband when it comes to work and our businesses. My thought is the manual = accountability for him.
I have two separate businesses that I run and he plays a minor role (but important role) in each. He is more of an employee when it comes to businesses rather than an owner. So is it ok to have a manual for him, a manual that is work-related? Somewhere along the way, I remember you saying it was ok to have manuals for employees. The manual for my husband, when it comes to work, does hold him accountable. And while I am working hard (with much success) to lose the manual for him when it comes to our personal relationship (no longer dependent upon him for my mood, feelings, happiness – for the most part, still working on it); I am afraid to get rid of the manual when it comes to work stuff. The manual does hold him accountable, but is this a bad thought? Bad as in I am fooling myself and trying to justify why I have a manual for him?
If I don’t have a manual for my husband, I worry that he will no longer be held accountable for his share in running our businesses. If I play the game of “so what” to dig deeper it leaves me feeling super anxious.
For example…if I don’t have a manual for my husband, he will not do things for the business in a timely manner. So what? Payroll won’t be done and supplies won’t be ordered in time for events. So what? My employees won’t get paid unless I step in run payroll myself. Supplies won’t be ordered and customers will be disappointed and I will lose business. So what? I don’t want to run payroll and order supplies. So what? If I don’t step in, businesses will close. So what? I don’t want businesses to close – so I either do it all myself (with resentment) or have a manual for my husband and hold him accountable.
Any thoughts or direction to help clean up my thoughts about this? After putting all of this into words, I am thinking the manual for him when it relates to work, serves us both well. And that I should continue to work on not having a manual for him when it comes to personal things. Is this even possible or have I fooled myself?