I don’t want to want to lose weight

I stopped trying to lose weight about 5 years ago. I found intuitive eating and decided to love my body as is. I stopped exercising because I was using it to purge after/before eating.

Last year I wanted to lose weight because my ankles hurt. I lost 20 lbs, my ankles stopped hurting and I stopped losing weight. I currently weight about 240.
I had an obsession for all my life of thin bodies. I have this thought that if I pursue weight loss, that obsession will come back.
It’s like I’m afraid to trust myself with restriction…like how I used to be afraid to trust myself with food. I still use food emotionally. I want to make a decision from love and power and I want to stop trying to get it right in my head before taking action.

I put the thought/desire as a circumstance to see my thoughts on my thoughts.
C: I want to lose weight
T: I can’t want to lose weight without a good reason and just to be thin.
(Laughing at this thought as I think about it. I’m 240lbs… I could lose a bunch of weight and still not be thin! Lol)
F: Judged
A: I don’t create a protocol. I tell myself thin isn’t better.
R: I don’t do what I want to do just because I want to.

I also think my brain is offering this to me to keep me stuck and not go through the discomfort of urges.

Thanks Brooke!!! Love you to pieces!