Loosing weight program without feeling I am in

Hello , I am 47 and I signed in for Loose 8 pounds .
I did couple of actions to make it work (finding money, taking a challenge of following the coaching in english, doing intermittent fasting, eating only 2 meals no sugar no flour and I am walking 10,000 steps ….) but I got stuck because I don’t know how make any action which concerns really myself (means all I do is just buffering – I do it to prove to myself that I am capable but I don’t do it for myself as I feel I am dead since a long time), I don’t know how to connect with myself (present, past and future) . I kicked all 3 of them since a very long time from my life …. Should I stay in this program or can you suggest any other which could help me to find the keys to find me back? Is there any chance that I feel I am still alive ? Thank you