Tricking my body

I have been intermittent fasting for a couple of years and just added dropping flour and sugar when I joined scholars in October. I was at 157 and wanted to be at 142, but lowered my goal weight to 135 after hearing the stop overeating course. I pretty easily fell to 145 and then over the holidays told myself I was hungry and went back to 151-152.

During COVID, I got down to 142 and then had a few instances where I overdrank which led to overeating. Since getting pretty strict on protocol (about 4 weeks ago), I’ve stayed consistently around the 149-151 range. I’ve noticed that my body gains quickly when I joy eat (once per week, planned) or overdrink (not planned, and also once a week). It’s strange because when I was less strict about my protocol, it seemed easier to weigh less. I’m now noticing thoughts like “I’m out of tricks to trick my body into losing weight, I’m stuck where I am” or “I should have just left well enough alone.” My past weight loss feels lucky, which is not empowering. I’m not perfect at my protocol – I occasionally grabass allowed foods during meal prep or extend my window an hour. And I notice myself thinking another disempowering thought “I’m doing so much more than I’ve ever done, why isn’t this working.” Here’s an example of a model:

C – Weight goes from 150.2 to 151.5 after 3 days more consistently on protocol than the week before
T – I’m out of tricks to trick my body, I can only go up in weight
F – doom
A – Working against my body, not with it. The flirty mirror peeks don’t happen, instead I notice my stomach and think it’s too big. I’m eating on protocol out of fear of gaining weight and forcing myself to do the exercise I planned. It feels heavy and not fun.
R –

When I like what the scale goes down I naturally think “Look, it’s working.” I’m wondering how I could look at the scale going up as neutral and what I could think so I don’t give all the way up.