100% ownership


I had an interesting conversation last night with my father-in-law. One of his daughters is very upset with him and her mother (his wife). She is blaming them for feeling overlooked and not cared for while she was growing up in their home. She says there is now a void in her life that she continues to say will only be filled if they say sorry and somehow make it up to her. She blames them, sends texts with language that makes it clear that it is their fault for how she is feeling. My in-laws say they have forgiven her but haven’t been able to fully accept what she is saying. They resist the idea that what she is feeling is their fault. They feel like they did their best. Last night I tried to explain to him what I’ve heard you describe on some coaching calls about taking 100% ownership when someone accuses us of doing something. I think you gave an example in your business…something had gone wrong and you said when this happens you encourage everyone at the company to take responsibility for the error. I think I’m right to believe that this same concept would apply to this situation as well right?

I’ve tried to apply this idea of 100% ownership in my life but feel like I may not completely understand it. When I attempted to explain it to him his response was, “Wouldn’t that just feed the beast?” Meaning he thought it would just encourage her and reassure her that she is right to blame them for how she is feeling. Could you explain again how this principle works? When I heard you teach it I was blown away by the truth of it, however maybe I misunderstood what you were teaching. I personally want to stop being defensive and embrace love and 100% ownership when someone accuses me of something. I want to be able to apply it in my life and would love to be able to explain it to people who are in a situation where this concept might be helpful.