2 models running at once


Hi there –

I might be answering my own question in this question, but I’d like some support / thoughts / guidance on how to keep myself feeling my feelings and running 2 models at once until the old one expires. (I remember Brooke once talking about how people often try to only feel what’s going on in their intentional model, but it’s best to have an intentional model, and also not be afraid of the feelings in the unintentional model — something like that).

So I’m an actor — and one of my biggest struggles in the past has been perfectionism (always wanting everything to be “perfect”, and never thinking things are good enough). However the good news is I do not let my perfectionism hold me back from taking massive action anymore — I show up more and more for my work, and as I do, my perfectionism takes a back seat. Here’s what I’m struggling with now – often after auditions, even if they’ve gone super well, my brain tries to find something that could have gone better, or I just feel this mild sense of hopelessness and impatience because I want to control the outcome. I am aware of this, and often do models after auditions to see what my brain is telling me. I have my old model, which leads me to feeling shame (F) and overthinking / replaying the audition in my mind (A). And then my new model, which leads me to a sense of surrender. I really, really want to just trust the flow of my life — I show up for my work, I do good work, I’m taking massive action and getting results. My question for you is — when I do models after auditions, but seem to be feeling bits of both models — is that ok? Should I continue simply not resisting any feeling, and keep doing thought work until the models naturally shift? Below are the 3 models (1 unintentional, 2 intentional) I did today after my audition, so you can see what I’m working with:

unintentional:
C audition today
T really I’m scared that I’m not gonna book it — or anything ever.
F shame
A Overthink audition, replay it in my mind and look for things that weren’t excellent
R Perfectionism + Overthinking

intentional:
C audition today
T Really scared that I’m not gonna book it, and that’s ok
F Relieved
A Feel my feelings, get in my body, come into the present moment
R I’m present in my body, with an increased sense of trust in my life

intentional:
C audition today
T I am not in control of anything but showing up
F Surrender
A Let Go, keep auditioning, practice self-love, work on my scene from class, get excited for each opportunity to act, keep submitting for projects, keep building relationships
R I trust my life and myself

Thank you!