A Financially Dependent Woman’s Thoughts About Money

I am 45 years of age.
Throughout my life as a young adult my parents always helped my brothers and myself with financing our education, paying our rent, buying us food and even covering our debts.

Then, ten years ago I got married, and was studying for my Master Degree for the first two years of my marriage, and when I graduated I had a hard time finding a job and my husband told me that we can get along perfectly fine with his salary alone and that I should just pursue what I love.

I started writing novels and fast-forward 8 years after, I am still writing but haven’t published anything yet.
We both still live off of his income, but something in me feels I want something different.

While I know it’s OUR income, I want to be a woman who provides for herself.
A woman who no longer is dependent on a partner, an employer or parents to provide for her.
A woman who is not giving someone else the responsibility.
A woman who impresses herself by building wealth on her own.
A woman who never needs to ask for permission to buy something.

I asked myself what am I thinking now that gave me the result of being a dependent woman on her husband, and this is the Model that I was running for years:

C = Husband said I don’t need to look for a job and we will live off of his income.
T = I am so lucky to have found a kind man who will take care of me this way.
F = Grateful.
A = Spend time writing novels, take it easy, not look for ways to earn money.
R = Enjoy the freedom of not being tied to a workplace, complete several novels, be cautious with money and ask for permission for big expenses.

So, what I don’t understand about this Model is that the moment my husband suggested that I will not look for a job, I felt grateful and thought he was so generous and kind and loving.

Even friends all told me how lucky I am to have him as most husbands will tell their wives, “Just find any job!”

Yet, I am still unhappy today with the fact that I took the easy route.It felt comfortable all the years but now it feels like I did something that wasn’t empowering me and wasn’t true for me and didn’t help me grow.

How can I bridge my way so that it will create for me the R Line of : I am a successful woman who built her own business and created wealth for herself?