Hi, Brooke!

I KNOW I can just look at everything with an alternative disposition and just fall in love with my life because my life IS so good – all of it. Theres bad too of course, but I’m learning that’s okay, and to just allow it. Here’s where I’m at… I think I’m comfortable complaining… As in, I watch you coach others, I’ve soaked up what you’ve even coached me, and where you share the alternative of how one can view things, and the parts I’m missing because I just choose not to see them, and how I could just VIEW my life differently and so I will see it that way and feel loving, appreciative, joyful, and more present toward it BUT that seems scary to me… As in, I asked myself what I would need to do “fall in love with my life again” and the answer I gave myself was to “then choose your same life over and over each day because you LOVE the parts of it that are worth loving” and I get excited about that but the WORK I feel I need to do to then have that is something I avoid. Expressing gratitude instead of complaining seems labor intensive with the thought, “I don’t want to”, so then I say to myself, “Okay, so you don’t want to love your life then”, and I chuckle cuz of course I do but apparently writing in my journal and being intentional every day about my beautiful life isn’t worth it? Is it because I’m used to waking up with anxiety and negative thoughts creating that, and so the idea of deliberately waking up and being “new” is just a habit I need to practice. As I type this it’s almost like cognitive dissonance where I believe I want a new disposition on life, but my current disposition, albeit gloomy, is what’s familiar so I don’t want to let it go? But I do of course… The underlying thought to this notion is, “your life isn’t as bad as you make it seem, so stop thinking it is, and focus on what’s good and feel love instead” which I want to want…