A lot of buffering


I have noticed that I buffer using many things, and I am often feeling tired – I think from buffering so often. I have recently got MUCH better at not buffering with food, but there are many other things I feel embarassed about: alcohol (to avoid social anxiety), checking my phone way too frequently (avoiding insignificance, boredom, loneliness, and restlessness), biting my lips (to avoid feeling unsettled/restless/anxious), red bull (to avoid fatigue, feeling not smart enough/good enough/productive enough), checking the scale multiple times per day (avoiding anxiety, fear of weight gain), taking selfies to make sure I don’t look old or ugly (avoiding anxiety, dread), checking my face and body in the mirror (avoiding anxiety, dread), compulsive researching (avoiding uncertainty) and social media (avoiding boredom, loneliness, restlessness). I used to buffer with food to avoid feeling urges, and hunger, and also insignificance, restlessness, loneliness and boredom.

I don’t want to do these buffering behaviours. I have thoughts like “buffering is ruining my life” and “I buffer constantly and it’s concerning” and “things won’t be okay until I fix this”. I can see that these thoughts are really unhelpful and are basically self-fulfilling prophecies.

I think my question here is two-fold. First, I can see that I have to drop the judgment about my buffering, and drop into self-compassion and self-acceptance. Thoughts to try on could be:

Buffering might actually be SAVING my life (feeling: empowered)
My buffering behaviours are fascinating, I wonder what I could learn from them (feeling: curious)
There is nothing to fix, just experiences to have. Nothing has gone wrong (feeling: I don’t believe this at all so I’m not sure)
I love knowing that I am fully capable of feeling all of my emotions, and I will allow them fully when I feel ready (feeling: acceptance)
Buffering has served me greatly, and I can change my mind about it whenever I am ready (feeling: self-compassion)
I have learned so much about how to process urges to binge, I wonder how I could apply this to the rest of my life? (curious)

Is there anything else you would suggest I do with this?