Hi Brooke,

Can you shed some light on the following? I recently was going on a girls trip with a group of friends. One of my friends and I agreed to go a night earlier for a little extra R&R. That extra night was outside of the “group” rate we paid and my friend convinced me to go for an upgraded suite for that one evening, which to be honest I wouldn’t have done if she hadn’t insisted on the upgrade. For that extra night, I paid up the hotel upfront and told my friend we would work it out later.

As it turns out my friend (who is always very late for everything) missed her flight and thus didn’t use the hotel for that extra night. It sounds silly but I am struggling with whether or not to ask her to pay for that evening. In my “manual” she would offer to pay for part of it. So, is this just an issue of me having a manual for how she “should” act?

On the other hand, I have learned through SCS that I typically don’t stand up for myself and let other people’s needs dominate. I don’t want to keep showing up like that. So, I am wondering if this is an opportunity to ask her to contribute to the room.

Thanks so much for your perspective. While this might seem like a minor thing I think it is reflective of a larger pattern of how I solve things. More specifically, I’ll avoid addressing an uncomfortable situation to ensure the other person is not bothered.