A model based on time, I would like help with.


So I am in kind of unique position, in which I feel like I have a lot of time. I am a physician and have 2 toddlers, but I am pretty good with my time management, but also my life is a lot less busy since I moved to a new city and its just much less hectic.

So I am doing a model on TIME and my unintentional as follows:
C: Time
T: I am aimless and wasting it
F: Sad and feel like I need to fill my time.
A: End up not doing anything with my time, and just buffer a little by doing lots of little things that don’t need doing
R: Feel like I have wasted my time, but also a little ashamed that I am not more busy.

I am working on an intentional model
C: Time
t: I have time that I can schedule to work on developing skills/tools I like and to do self care
F: Grateful and like their is a goal with all the time
A: Make it happen and move forward with doing more self coaching and coming up with time management modules to apply in education
R: learn and grow

I am having a hard time selling this model to myself. But also I continually feel guilt about not being really busy. All my friends feel overwhelmed and are literally always busy, and I was seeing my doctor today, and he even remarked I was the only mom of toddlers he ever saw that worked and was not overwhelmed. Its weird because I feel like I should be happy about that, but it makes me feel weird when people point it out. Also at work, people routinely ask me. “Why are you always so happy?”, and the truth is I am really happy, I don’t know how to stop feeling guilty about it. I certainly have some things in my life that are very hard, but I have really worked on managing my mind around them- for example I have an estranged brother who is very abusive to me and my parents, but I have made peace with that..

any advice would be welcome.