A pattern

I’m seeing the pattern. Is the solution really just to feel my feelings? I think I want to get away from them and solve this feeling lol.

C: I’ve been in my job since November. My role is “Content & QA Specialist”. I test websites. Today I have “QA QA” at the top of my tasks list, which means my manager wants me to do that first.
T: I don’t know what I’m doing
F: dread
A: Delay starting work at 8 am. Sit and stare at the computer screen because I’m afraid to start my task. Choose to continue with journaling at 8 am instead of start working. I take longer than I planned to complete my work tasks. I push my whole day back, thereby throwing away the items on my calendar for my own business. Work past 4 pm, my stopping goal. Go to sleep as a buffer. Judge myself for not getting enough done. Eat junk food and drink alcohol that I don’t really want. Don’t focus. Let my mind wander.
R: I still don’t know