abandonment


Hi there,

Before I start: today I had the most amazing coaching call with JENN!!!! I love her. She always gets where I’m coming from!!

So at the end of the day I always do some journaling aka thought download. Just a reflexion of my day and thoughts during the day. And one of the things I wrote down was the moment of my friend and me. This is was happened:

This easter weekend my dance teacher decided to do a dance class every morning at 10am. from Friday-Monday.

I told a few friends about it because I thought its a really cool thing. one friend was absolutely on board. on Friday and Saturday she participated and than she texted me on Saturday evening that she wanted to inform me that she’s not able to participate on the Saturday morning class.

No problem. I thought it’s really nice and thoughtful to let me know.

Then on Monday morning I texted her if she was ready to dance.
No answer.

And then at 12pm when everything was over she was like, “heeey, yea, she went on a walk with her boyfriend.”

And I noticed how I immediately wanted to get defensive, mad and be offended. So I didn’t text her back.

I wanted to calm down and reflect on it.

And here is my model:

C: My friend didn’t text me back to the message if she was ready to dance
T: I’m not important
F: abandonment, sad
A: not texting her back
R: no friendship with her

Or I also have another model:

C: friend texted me back: hi friend, i was on a walk with my boyfriend
T: wtf? how dare she not apologize or anything. i counted on her
F: angry
A: not texting back
T: no friendship

Haha this one I have to laugh because at. Wtf who am I to tell her that she should write me.
I think I’m growing to a new person.
My old me would have stayed with that model.

When I was journaling I found out that I had a hard time because she was fully on board and than she wasn’t. It hurt

Yea, it’s a mix of both of those too.
And I would love you opinion on it.
I think it feels strange to let go of these models.

My goal, as I already told Jenn is to not get upset for those things. Just because it’s a thought error. Like a behavior I used to have.