About forgiveness


Hi,

I am struggling since several years with the consequences that my father’s behaviour toward me has had. He was very authoritarian with me, yelled at me for no reason, his behaviour was unpredictible. My mother was very loving but did not defend me when he was yelling or putting me down. I have had for my all life the belief ” I did something wrong”, that I am just beginning to change. He stopped his behaviour when I left his home to live with my husband.

I have difficulties forgiving my parents because I still struggle in my everyday life to not fear people, and I am also afraid to see my father getting again angry ; he has yelled at my younger son 2 years ago and I was petrified, did not know how to protect my son.

I still want to see my parents but when I see them it reminds me of the past and I don’t enjoy their company.

It doesn’t seem fair to me that my father could “get away” with his behaviour and that I still have to deal with the consequence (anxiety, fatigue) in my everyday life.

I don’t know if I can forgive the past and enjoy their company in the present’ knowing that my father’s personality won’t ever change, that I wilk never be totally secure with him. How can I feel better and still protect myself and my family ?

Also, I have heard Brooke tell that there weren’t “toxic persons”, that people show up as they can. It is hard for me to accept that idea, when someone is regularly agressive or violent.

Thank you for your help