About Overeating (Again)

I have been a scholar for a few years now and joined initially in order to lose weight.

In my first year as a scholar I lost 50 pounds in 8 months. Then in the last 4 months I gained 40 pounds back.
I concluded that I had no plan of what I will do during Maintenance and so I simply went back to eating as I used to before.

In my second year I lost 40 pounds in 6 months. Then in 2 months I gained 30 pounds back.
I concluded that each time I allow myself to eat flour and sugar when unplanned, my brain interprets that we are going back to how we used to eat before.

In my third year I lost and gained the same 15 pounds, back and forth, back and forth.

Some of the thoughts I’m having now are:

  • I am someone who simply cannot ever have flour and sugar because my brain sees that like drugs.
  • Now it will take another 6 months until I will lose all this weight again.
  • I can’t believe I did this to myself and I now need to lose these pounds again.
  • All these years as a scholar and it’s as if I learned nothing.
  • Processing and allowing the urges again is uncomfortable and I don’t feel like doing it.

I did models on these thoughts and they cause me fear, worry, shame, and frustration.
Not surprisingly, these emotions lead me to overeat and keep the cycle.

I notice how my brain also seeks a new diet, a new 30/60/90 days program, a new book, a new coach.

Ultimately though, is it simply going back to basics?
Writing my food plan, eliminating flour and sugar, allowing unpleasant urges, eating what I said I would eat and only that, and repeat?

For some reason, my brain thinks there is a bigger issue, a drama to deal with now, a whole new thing that I need to learn???