A huge issue for me is procrastination and/or staying in a cycle of passive vs massive action. I’ve done models on it, and came up with new T lines that felt great, but still, not much has shifted.

Today though, as I was working on the model (again), I became aware of some thoughts that are tied to events from my childhood that are: “Do not shine brightly. Do not flaunt- your fortune will make others feel bad (about themselves, or their current circumstances.)”

After playing with a whole lot of different possible feelings this thought is causing, I realized it mostly makes me feel shame. I’m ashamed of any abundance or good fortune in my life- resulting in me shrinking or staying firmly rooted in a space of non-action. (If I don’t achieve or succeed, I don’t have to feel ashamed.)

On the one hand, I can totally see where this thought originated from. I understand that it started when I was just a little girl, and in a little girl’s mind, it made sense. But now, as an adult, it seems completely bat sh*t crazy! I’m not sure where to go from here- how to flip the model- because now that I’m aware of this feeling, I can see that it is really, really powerful- and holding me back in MANY areas of my life. Intellectually, I know it’s not a rational thought, but anything else I’ve tried to put in the T line doesn’t seem like it has the power to flip the script that’s been playing for so long in my mind.

Thanks for your help!