abusive relationships

Hi!So… my ex-husband was abusive towards me. I didn’t even realize how abusive until people from the outside, looking in, told me. I knew but, because he never actually hit me (he would go after me but stop at the last second because he didn’t want to go to jail) I stayed. I finally left after a horrible incident in front of our kids and even though he, again, refrained from striking me at the very last second… I was done. He spit in my eye and chased me till I was cowering in the corner in the fetal position in front of our kids as his raised fist was about to punch my face in. All I had done was come home from a trip and tell him I had missed him…literally. Now… we have to co-parent. Right now, he is pretending (for his therapist’s benefit I think) to be kind and caring towards me. I know it’s an act because I know how he works… I have known him since we were 12. So…. my challenge is how to react to this. I think his therapist should know the truth. He is doing this whole song and dance for her benefit that I know is all fake. I am tempted to call him out on it because I truly don’t know how he sleeps at night after all the things he has done to me over the years… truly horrific things. I know that Brooke wouldn’t want me to call him out though right? I wrote the letter but I haven’t sent it. I want to send it sooo badly and call him out on everything he has done but I think I’ll have the shame spiral if I do. I know we are all 50/50… but come on, there are different forms of good and bad. The issue in marriage was that of codependency. I own that I was insecure and looking for validation… I own that! But he was abusive. He would constantly berate me then be annoyed that I was insecure. I get that I contributed to the dynamic by not loving myself fully but I don’t think you can compare being insecure with being an aggressive bully who threatens to kill you over and over. How do I co parent with this person? How can allow myself to even be around him? He would wake me out of a deep sleep to threaten to kill me… how do I ever get past that? He claims he wants to be friends! What do I do with that? Thanks.