Accepting a 50/50 life

Something cool happened this week – I have been allowing my shame and feel like pressure has been taken off me. I am not running from it. Now I can see clearly I have a ton of anxiety around future possibilities that could hurt people around me and me. I am thinking worst case scenarios about my husband and family in years from now that can be paralyzing at times like divorce and death. I actually put myself in these scenarios and felt an immense amount of pain. I want nothing to do with that now – divorce, death in my family (of course), but just the reality coming forth that it’s a possibility in my head means to me that I am allowing and considering the 50/50 wherever I am. I’ve lived so long under a positivity rock that in the past year or two, I’ve really allowed the other side and it SUCKS. But, it’s freeing.

Can you tell me what the heck is happening in my own brain and if I am off base in this assessment?