Lately, I’ve been working on accepting anger instead of reacting to it, especially during an argument with my boyfriend. I usually react to anger and start yelling and say things I regret afterwards. I explained to him the process I was going through so he could understand. I told him that I was trying to accept anger. Therefore, whenever I feel the vibration of anger in my body, I try to breathe and describe it to myself instead of just starting to yell and becoming impatient with him. In order to do that, I asked him if he could give me a moment of silence when I feel the need for it during an argument. Now, I know that this is me having a manual for him and wanting to control him… Indeed, this technique has been a disaster so far! I did coaching sessions on this, but still I found myself again and again in this situation. I feel like it’s the kind of situation where I need so much willpower to get ahold of myself and not react to anger.
Here’s the model on it. Thanks you so much for your advice!
C: While I was experiencing the vibration of anger in my body, I ask my boyfriend to stop talking and he didn’t.
T: He doesn’t care about my wellbeing
A: Rumination (Would it be that hard for him to stop; Why can’t he stop talking, it’s not that complicated; I explained to him why I want him to stop talking when I feel angry, why can’t he stop; I don’t ask for a lot, just stop talking! He’s so selfish)
R: I create more anger